An Open Letter To My Mid-Twenties That Can Suck It by Lindsey Cope [Guest Wreckers]
March 21, 2012 4 Comments
When I was a child I was under the impression that once I finally reached this time in my life I would “have it together”. You may ask, what does it exactly mean to “have it together”? It means that I supposed that by the time that I had conquered adolescence, survived my 21 run, and began the downhill slope towards maturity, that I would maybe have a house, a savings account, a degree, and some sort resemblance of normal, healthy relationships. Unfortunately, my assumptions were incorrect.
Instead of any of these things, I have a studio apartment that is falling apart, a car I can barely afford, unemployment which equates to about half of my regular pay, a poor understanding of normal, healthy relationships, and no degree, let alone any clue what to get a degree in if I were to go back to school. Let me clarify that this not a pity party for myself. These are simply the facts as they stand.
What I find even more frustrating than the life that I’m currently living, which truthfully feels as if it belongs to someone else, is that it is not only myself who thought I’d have it together by now. I’m constantly being asked, “Why aren’t you working? When are you going back to school? What do you WANT to do?” Let me answer these questions for you:
I am not working because I was very unhappy with my job and it didn’t work out. Do I miss the paycheck? Absolutely. Do I miss my coworker? All the time. Could they double my salary, apologize and beg for me to return? No. That is not my forever career, though I am thankful for the opportunity and education. Also, maybe before you ask you should check out the state of our current economy and the unemployment rate. It’s not exactly easy finding employment these days. I’m looking. And looking. And looking.
When am I going back to school? Well, I don’t know. Sooner rather than later, hopefully. However, to be truthful with you, I feel that I cannot justify the time and expense for an unfocused education, which brings us to the final question…
What do I WANT to do? I don’t know. The things that I enjoy do not exactly pay a living wage and do not necessarily require a formal education. Coaching, writing, dancing, and bullshitting aren’t going to pay the bills. So, other than that? I’m not sure. I’d love to teach, but since our country feels the need to cut education budgets over others, the teaching jobs are becoming less lucrative and available. Please consider that maybe if they would not cut the education programs, we wouldn’t have delinquents running around spelling “words” without vowels and with numbers. Just throwing that out there… Nursing is a popular profession, but to be honest, I don’t like icky people, let alone sick icky people. I could go on and on about the professions I’ve been asked to consider and nothing really feels like it’s “my thing”. I know that eventually I will fall into something or have some unlikely epiphany about my future, until then I’ll keep searching.
Also, besides feeling stunted in regard to profession and standing in life, is the realization that I am no longer 18. My metabolism is already starting to wane. People are starting to ask the questions about why I’m not married, when I’m going to have children, and where I’ll settle down. I feel as if I live in some hell of 20 questions for the 20-something with 20 different people and their 20 different opinions telling me what to do. This isn’t 1950 any longer; I do not HAVE to be married, a mother, and pushing my children out at 18.
I suppose this is just my griping about the annoyances of not having all the answers. I wish I did, until then, mid-twenties, you may suck it. Suck it hard.
Lindsey Cope is a twenty-something woman living in Longview, Washington where she attended Lower Columbia College. She documents the crazy antics of her life, and of the astonishingly estranged civilization that is Cowlitz County at her blog LoveLindz, where this blog original appeared on January 26th, 2012.