November 5, 2011 1 Comment
I want her to choose, there’s no doubt.
For if I ask, and she rejects,
she’ll drop me, our friendship next.
She’ll think I’m a creep, a horny guy,
wanting one thing, and that’s a lie.
to treat her nice, like a lady.
So I’ll rest, and quiet I’ll be.
playing the game, of wait and see.
Our friendship to risk, so I sit and pout,
till she gives me a clue, or asks me out.
-From the Pistolero Poet.
What a profound question! Yes, profound! If it’s 1957…
So I’m talking to my roommate the other day about dating. I shared my (often humorous) experiences in the dating world. Being gender-variant clearly never helped my case… Ever. Primarily because having a more feminine mindset is a pretty terrible thing to have if you’re trying to pick up women. This is probably because we were both thinking the same thing; “I’ve given them every indication that I like them, why wont they ask me out?” And thus, we eventually walked away feeling like the other person just wasn’t all that into us when in all actuality, we were crazy about each other. Me with my crippling shyness, and her not wanting to impose or step on my toes wasn’t a good combination. I often wondered why my friends consistently tried to hook me up with other shy people. What happens when you put two shy people in a room together? No one speaks! Oddly enough, my shyness is what attracted many of those same women to me, but due to our cultural axioms, they never thought about making the first move. I related to my roommate that I could have had many more relationships had the girl just taken the first step. I’m not saying she should have swept me off my feet and paid for everything, but a simple “I like you” would have been enough for me to see that she had the same feelings for me as I had for her and would have given me the confidence to ask her out without fear of ruining a sterling friendship. What is the deal with women never wanting to make the first move? They joke about how unobservant, unintuitive, unempathetic and emotionally detached we are, but in the same breath they expect us to know what she’s thinking and if the mood is right.
My roommate said that most guys are intimidated by girls asking them out. That their fragile ego would prevent them from accepting the experience as a positive one. She went onto say that most guys want a more submissive girlfriend, and asking them out would show that they were too assertive. Obviously, I disagreed. She said that my experience as a male wasn’t a typical one and that other people would agree with her. Luckily, I just happen to work in an environment that is packed full of macho bravado. So, off I went to work to ask what everyone thought. I wanted to ask everyone I could to get a good cross-section of what the popular male opinion was on the subject. Without fail, every single guy said the same thing… They were totally fine with a woman asking them out. Some preferred it, most felt that the concept of the old tradition was outdated and irrelevant. A surprisingly progressive outlook for such a traditional area! I asked the question outside of work, in casual conversation. Again, everyone said that it was fine, some even went so far as to say that the whole idea of men asking women out was silly because women are more picky, thus if women asked men out you could eliminate much of the risk of rejection.
A history lesson from an old timer really put it in perspective for me. He related that back in the old days, women didn’t work (unless they were a teacher or nurse). So women were seen as not really bringing anything to the relationship. More of an object, something that needed to be taken care of. Since the man was the only provider, it would have been seen as imposing or vain for a woman to ask a man out. Something like the old adage, “beggars can’t be choosers”. I told him that it sounded incredibly sexist, he agreed but added that it was a common belief back then. Everyone thought that way. After I heard that, I couldn’t understand why women would want to perpetuate such a negative tradition.
Some of the comments I’ve heard after asking the question; How would you feel if a woman asked you out?
– It would be refreshing, I’d really like that.
– Even if I didn’t like her, I’d still take her out just for asking.
– The best relationship I ever had started when a girl approached me.
– I’d be all about that. It takes all the guess work out of it so you have nothing to lose.
– Some guys may be intimidated by that. But they’d have to be really weak to be intimidated by a girl who liked them.
So, it seems the verdict is in. Girls take heed… If you want a guy to ask you out, get over yourself and ask him. It’ll be ok, really. You’ll probably win some cool points in the process.
I would ask that we keep this going. Is anyone out there offended by the idea of women asking men out? Anyone at all? I’m interested to hear what other people have to say about this subject, just leave your comments in the section below.